Monday, January 10, 2011

Life as a Cushie

I am starting a series, like a photo essay, trying to explain how Cushing's impacts my daily life. Today, I point out that the seat belt in the airplane is near the maximum allowed length. It's around my waist with but an inch to spare. Thankfully it is a little loose. I almost cried when I buckled up today. My stomach has gotten so big. I just don't feel like this is my body anymore. It has a mind of its own, following cortisol's instructions instead of mine.

Like other embarrassing or emotional debilitating moments with this disease, I acknowledge it, and I release it. These thoughts no longer serve me, and I'm doing the best I can. Fighting for myself. Trying to figure out a loop hole in the system to try to get myself better sooner. I have pushed myself all along. I will try to forgive myself and be more understanding of my situation in 2011. Kindness to all, including myself.