Monday, April 2, 2012

Day 2: Getting My Mind Right

Fighting a disease like Cushing's is not as simple as keeping a positive attitude. Cushing's attacks your spirits and leaves you riddled with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. In short, it makes seeing yourself as your real self nearly impossible.  

If you were to ask a Cushie which changes were more devastating from Cushing's: the physical, psychological, or mental, I bet each would come up with a different answer with a very good reason. For me, I believe it depends on the day. While my body is clearly nothing like it was, it is the lost mental acuity and psychological disturbances that really make feel not very much like myself.

I always wonder what my old friends would say if I told them I was depressed, anxious, agoraphobic, overwhelmed, and fearful daily, and since I'm telling the truth, suicidal at least every few months. When I see that, when I address those realities as my realities, it is too overwhelming to consider. For, like my friends, they are such drastic departures from the person I once was.  The difference is, most of my old friends don't see me except through facebook, and I am imprisoned in this altered reality every day.

Endocrinologists argue about many things related to Cushing's. One point upon which all can agree is that "Major depression is a common, life-threatening complication of Cushing's:"

"Patients with Cushing's disease and depression appeared to suffer from a more severe form of illness."

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So with all that said, what do I do if I know that this is happening to me?  Is there anything to do? 

All I can do is just do my best, and model the part of my outlook I can control after this sweet woman. 

Courtesy of Intelligent Redneck's facebook page.