Cushing's with Moxie: Fighting The Worst Disease You've Never Heard Of: Before and After Photos

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Before and After Photos

Pulling together this timeline of photographs was the most difficult part of being sick for me. It's the toughest even while considering everything I have gone through to get diagnosed:

all the midnight and 4 am blood draws

the PICC line that aggravated by arm veins and made my arm go numb

lying on my bad back, being still in the MRI tubes for over an hour at a time, twice

having the IPSS while wide awake

all those doctors appointments where I would have to start telling my story from scratch in hope that this time, someone would believe me
all the uncomfortable moments when I felt people didn't believe that I was really sick (just fat).

Gathering my photos and posting them reminds me of a life interrrupted.

It reminds me of a life that was filled with insecurity and self-hatred over my body.

Even though I am smiling in these photographs--and probably was smiling when I saw friends and family, I know how much I have struggled with my weight since I was a teenager... How much I worked and worried trying to look 'presentable' and 'good enough' for every event I ever had to attend.
I'd gain weight and not really know why, but I continued to act like it didn't bother me.

It bothered me.

As a feminist, I hated these negative thoughts. Even so, I could not stop them. I knew better than to think like that, and my friends never really knew that was happening in my head. These photos symbolized years of being insecure and wondering if being overweight meant being unlovable.
I endured the emotions that accompanied this project because I know it would help depict my struggles with weight in an undeniable way, and that with the right medical team, it would make a difference.
Now, despite my size, I know I didn't do this to myself.

I didn't let myself go.

I wasn't lazy.

I didn't eat too much.

More importantly, I trusted my instincts and I didn't give up.

I have much more forgiveness for myself than I could have ever found otherwise. I attribute that to my Cushing's diagnosis. And for that, I am thankful to this journey.

~Cushie Melissa

P.S. And for those of you going through the Cushing's diagnosis battle yourself, please know that I know how heartbreaking it is to see your former selves and compare them to your current self.
Do it anyway. You may be on your way to changing your life and finally feeling better.

******************************

1994

1996

1999 (face gets fuller)

2000 (my highest weight up to that point)

2003 (after Atkins diet success)

2005 (fuller face, weight gain,
irregular periods, anxiety)

2006
truncal obesity

Feb 2007

April 2007 - fuller face

May 2007

Disclaimer: I Am Not a Doctor

I am not a medical professional. I am not a doctor nor have I gone to med school. I am not a physician assistant, a nurse, or a lab technician. I do not currently work in the medical field.

Perhaps what I can provide is actually better and more useful: a tale of odd symptoms, mild physical deformities, and emotional/mental experiences that match your own. It's not just you! I can share my experience in the diagnosis and treatment of my Cushing's disease. Due to this disease's 'rarity,' I relied on my Cushie friends to guide me as we fight this terrible disease. We all quickly learned the basics and the jargon: the body parts, hormone loops, testing protocals, surgical stats, surgeon bios and pedigrees, and paths to recovery. We have seen patients have successful surgeries, and we have seen patients continue to suffer after multiple surgeries. We watch the story of Cushing's unfold for our friends in real time. Our friends are case studies that are unimpressed by whether something meets the standard of 'statistically significant' to be included in the medical literature. We Cushies see and hear it all. We encourage you to grow the same eyes and ears.

We urge you to take an active role in your health care and work closely with medical professionals. If you find a doctor dismissive, find a new one. Use my blog to supplement your knowledge base but never substitute my judgment or decisions for your own.

And please, don't sue me. I have no money left over after medical expenses. One day, I swear, I'm gonna take a nice vacation.

WHERE TO START IF YOU ARE NEW?

This side bar is intended to be a mini Cushings 101. You will find much of what you need to know here. Click through these links and watch these videos. They are my favorites after researching for Cushing's for six full years now. I started this blog in 2008, so the broad view posts about me can be found there. Click around previous blog posts and read, read, read. You will get scared and overwhelmed, but with information, you will start to take charge of your health and you will arm yourself with what you need to win this war. Because you will, you know. You will win this war.

M o x i e_F a v o r i t e s :

* Moxie's Tips to Diagnosis

* Initial Work up for Cushing's

* Comprehensive symptoms list

* Can your cooking pots be the cause of Cushing's?

* Cushing's for the new folks

* Cushing's patients often need multiple surgeries

* What People Need to Know about Cushing's Awareness Month

* Cushing's symptom list, dates, pain scale

* PNA's Pituitary Patients' Bill of Rights

* Cushies describe Cushing's

* Listen to 3 call-in talk shows with Cushing's expert Dr. Friedman

* Listen to Dr. Friedman's 4th call-in show about medical therapies

Symptoms of Cushing's

**You can have Cushing's even if you don't have all of these symptoms**
Anxiety
Irritability
Extreme mood swings and rage, gets confused with bi-polar
Medication-resistant depression
Sensitivity to loud sounds and light
Absent sex drive
Facial redness
Rounding of the face (moon face)
Unexplained weight gain around belly
Buffalo hump, or hump on back of neck
Pink or purple stretch marks
Thicker or more visible body and facial hair
Acne
Muscle weakness
Extreme fatigue
Thin and fragile skin that bruises easily
Slow healing of cuts, insect bites and infections
Bone thinning
Recurrent infections
Sleep disturbances, night sweats, awake at midnight or 4 am
High blood pressure
Diabetes mellitus
Irregular or absent menstrual periods in females

~BEST ADVICE BASED ON MY EXPERIENCE~

This disease is an enigma - a mystery wrapped in a riddle.

Remove the guesswork and pressure off yourself to know how cortisol ravages your body as it swings from high to low to high levels. Very few Cushies when their cortisol levels are high versus low, and frankly, it is quite unfair that we should have to know. Until someone develops a cortisolometer, similar to a glucometer for testing blood sugar, a Cushing's patient may never know for sure whether the cortisol is high or low. I hope the Addison's community will take the lead on that!

I encourage you to test your cortisol testing every night in a row until you get your highs. Do not skip.
1) Do 24 hour UFCs with 17-OHS.
2) Get cortisol blood draws at midnight and again 30 minutes later.
3) Chew a salivary cortisol test swab while getting your blood drawn each time.

I got my biggest diagnostic highs doing this, after 4 years of trying to follow doctors' suggestions of tracking symptoms and only testing once a night around midnight. Take control. Your mission is to show up every night, and hang in there.

TRUST YOUR GUT. It just might save your life.

I am a cyclical Cushing's patient. I had transsphenoidal pituitary brain surgery on June 11, 2009. By going through my nose with scopes and scalpels, my neurosurgeon removed a 3 millimeter ACTH-secreting benign tumor on the left pituitary that disrupted every hormone and every body system. He says the tumor's cytology was consistent with other Cushing's tumors he has removed in the past, meaning that he removed a milky white substance that was different looking that the normal pinkish pituitary gland cells. Within 3 months of my surgery, I knew I was not cured. I still had Cushing's symptoms, and I tested again for a re-occurrence of Cushing's. In 2010 alone, F*I*V*E endocrinologists told me I don't have Cushing's and they think I never did. They said I had pituitary surgery for nothing. That includes two that I saw before my pituitary surgery. It seems doctors really don't know what to do with a Cushing's patient, much less one that comes back still sick after pituitary surgery.

In February 2011, I tested again at my local hospital, and I hit the jackpot: the highest results for midnight cortisol serums and midnight cortisol salivas that I have had in nearly 4 years. I also had nine straight days of high 17-OHS (used to measure urinary cortisol in patients with mild or cyclical Cushing's). I had diagnostic results on three types of cortisol tests: midnight salivary cortisol, midnight cortisol serum, urinary 17-OHS.

I had a 2nd pituitary surgery on April 20, 2011. The neurosurgeon removed a 5-millimeter benign tumor from the right side of my pituitary. I still suffer from high cortisol and high ACTH, with the latter pinpointing the source as pituitary. No tumor shows on my MRI so in August 2012 I started a medical therapy by taking a well-established medication called ketoconazole. This has helped me reverse some but not all of the Cushing's symptoms. Keto can cause liver damage so I must have liver function tests every three months. I hope I can continue to tolerate this medication until a tumor shows. Next MRI scheduled for June 2013.

WHAT DID I LEARN?
Rather than test once in a while, I tested every day. My results clearly showed I had an abnormal cortisol production pattern. I was right. Those doctors were wrong. ALL OF THEM WERE WRONG. Trust your gut. You know your body.

What Doctors Will Claim You Have Instead of Cushing's:

Obesity (lose weight, lose symptoms)
Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS)
Fibromyalgia (no lab tests can prove this; diagnosis given when they don't know what else is wrong with you)
Back and muscle pain
Diabetes
Blurred vision, visual field loss, double vision
Chronic fatigue syndrome
Dry, oily, or sweaty skin
Impotence or infertility
Joint pain, joint/bone abnormalities
Migraines
Muscle weakness, carpal tunnel syndrome
Temporomandibular joint/TMJ/jaw joint pain
Thyroid imbalance or "slow metabolism"

Is it possible you have many conditions damaging your body simultaneously? Sure. Is it more likely that you have ONE condition that explains all that ails you? Yes. That could be Cushing's.

In medical school, doctors are trained that it is better to find one diagnosis to fit all symptoms. Go ahead and ask your doctor about that when s/he tells you that you have multiple overlapping illnesses.

Once you get abnormally high biochemical evidence (ACTH and cortisol) in the form of urine, saliva, and/or blood tests, it is highly probable you have Cushing's. Trust your instincts. Don't let the doctors tell you differently.

Different Doctors Treat Symptoms of Cushing's: A List of Professionals You May Have Seen

The pituitary controls the production of every hormone in the body. We Cushies go undiagnosed as we bounce around from medical subfield to subfield. Each doc treats the symptoms they know best, while piling on the medication.
We Cushies later find that our constellation of symptoms are punctuated with abnormal test results hidden away in our patient charts. No one told us. Since our medical history stays with the office not the patient, one change in doctor leaves these clues to diagnosis behind.
This is why I suggest you take a list of symptoms to every appointment. You won't be boxed in by narrowly-focused questions based on one field of medicine, but you can instead partner with your doctors and discuss your symptoms list so you can get the care you deserve.
DON'T GET STUCK SEEING A SPECIALIST WHO TREATS ONLY ONE BODY SYSTEM. CUSHING'S AFFECTS THEM ALL.
Endocrine:: Thyroid problems and diabetes (many have this, caused by Cushing's)
Orthopedics :: joint pain, joint/bone abnormalities, Plain ol' back and muscle pain (caused by Cushing's)
Dermatology :: dry, oily, diaphoretic skin
Ophthalmology :: blurred vision, visual field loss, diplopia
Neurology :: headache, proximal muscle weakness, carpal tunnel syndrome
Urology :: impotence, hypogonadism
Obstetrics and Gynecology :: galactorrhea, menstrual irregularities, infertility, hirsutism, polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS)
Fibromyalgia (no lab tests can prove this, given when they don't know what else is wrong with you)
Don't bounce around. See an endocrinologist. Show them you are an informed patient. Don't let them turn you away to suffer.Get yourself help. Demand it, if you must. Don't give up.

DISCLAIMER: ME AND MY CORCEPT

I want to disclose my relationship with Corcept Therapeutics. I participated in their market research study in Philadelphia, CA in February 2012. I gave feedback on marketing material and told my story on camera for internal educational use. Corcept paid for my travel expenses. In July 2012, I met the Cushing's advocate and nurse at the MAGIC Convention in Chicago. We shared a meal as a group, and she kindly paid for our dinner. In addition, I hold stock in Corcept Therapeutics; not because I am rich, but because I have Cushing's.

Please rest assured that this affiliation will never compromise my intent to bring patients all information I can get my hands on to help them on their road to diagnosis and recovery. You have my word.