Tuesday, March 28, 2017

10 years ago today

From Robin @ http://survivethejourney.blogspot.com/ 



10 years.

3,652.5 days.

87,660 hours.

5,259,600 minutes that I have suffered since the very first time I saw the word that would change my life forever: CUSHING'S.

What else can I say besides Rare, Real, Relentless?

I'll give it a go.

debilitate

[dih-bil-i-teyt]



verb (used with object)debilitated, debilitating.
1. to make weak or feeble; enfeeble

devastate

[dev-uh-steyt] 


verb (used with object)devastated, devastating.
2.  to overwhelm.


unfair


[uhn-fair




adjective
1.
not fair; not conforming to approved standards, as of justice, honesty, or ethics:
2.
disproportionate; undue; beyond what is proper or fitting



It is quite something to sit here after all this time has passed. These three words describe so much of my reality with Cushing's. I wish it were over, but there is always something. It is so difficult to sit here and think that 10 whole years were stolen from me, completely took me off course, changed the trajectory of my husband and family forever. It makes me happy in one way that I survived it. I am still here. There were countless days when I was suicidal and wondered if I could make it through the next five minutes. When I wasn't suicidal, I was wondering if it would every stop and if Cushing's was going to stop, when? I was and am so sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Some have asked what I know now that I didn't know then?

Ten years is a very long time -- long enough that I hoped all of this disease would be far behind me yet not long enough to see Cushing's leave my body fully. 

I am no longer a healthy person. 

I no longer believe all things are possible for me. 

I no longer see myself as free and limitless. 

I'm not down. I'm not depressed. I'm pragmatic. This is the way my life is now.

I have made the best of it. I will continue to do so. I survived. So will you. I don't always know how, but I know that if we arm ourself with knowledge and support from the Cushie community, then I can make it. We can make it.  I talk to myself as much as I speak to any readers still out there. Ten years is a very long time to be sick. 

Yet each day I am here, it's a little bit of a miracle. 
One more day I spend with my husband, together for 12 years and the entirety of my Cushing's mission.
One more day I get to spend with my daughter and watch the world in wonder with her.
One the good days, the few good days, I'm fine. Life is different. I don't go around much. I get everything delivered. I don't make plans with friends or pursue my life's goals and dreams. I wish I could figure out how to make room for that. I need more of that. More of me. Maybe I will discover more of me as Cushing's recedes. Maybe it's been me this whole time. I sometimes feel like an alien in my own body. Like, I know it is me, that I went those places and had those experiences. Yet, it is so foreign and unexpected that I don't recognize this life that I live, mostly homebound, with so many dadgum limitations. Too many CAN'Ts that will never COULDs.
Perhaps this is just a life journey like anyone else's. Perhaps this is my path to find the meaning of life. Whatever it is that I am supposed to know, I hope that I'm not too tired or asleep to know it when I see it.

~ Mox

*********
Please note that Cushing's Awareness Month is coming up in April, just a short few days away. Once again, I will be participating. I hope to do better than I've done in the past about blogging every day. There are many updates in my life, in what I've learned about Cushing's and what continues to surprise me about life after BLA.  I hope you will come by and visit again in April.

Also, check out my FB page Fight Cushing's with Moxie.  

Bye for now.
Mox



Sunday, March 19, 2017

Canines and Cortisol





These Dogs Save Lives By Smelling People's Breath


MAY 08, 2014

"The fact that dogs can sniff out cancer is pretty miraculous, but that’s not the only disease canines know how to catch with their incredible olfactory abilities. Medical detection dogs -- who have been trained to sense the symptoms of a range of illnesses -- perform a unique service unlike the typical assistance dog, alerting their owners to physical problems that might otherwise go unnoticed. Thanks to the work of Claire Guest, a doctor who founded the UK-based charity Medical Detection Dogs, dozens of lives have been saved (and improved) because of disease-sniffing dogs."




Tuxie and Moxie train with Service Dog Express. www.servicedogexpress.com

New Service Dog!!

Hey everyone. I have some very exciting news!

Today my family got a service dog, Tux. He will be trained to detect cortisol for me and blood sugar for my husband who is a type 1 diabetic.

Follow along this new journey. Go like our Facebook page, called Fight Cushing's with Moxie.

And stay tuned, because April is Cushing's Awareness Month, and my 10th anniversary with Cushing's.  Lots of new stories coming up.

-Moxie

Friday, March 3, 2017

Health Care is No Privilege

"Health care is no privilege. 

Good medical coverage means that unfair financial burdens don't cause more hardship and pain than the already difficult and often insurmountable struggles to get well." 

~me, 10 minutes ago, 3/3/2017